The Sound of Silence
Hello and welcome to my blog!
Things at the office have been a little hectic. We have moved into a larger space, added more services, added more massage hours, and have been scheduling out our marketing and fundraising opportunities. While my body has been running around, my mind has been meditating on things that I have been struggling with. Despite the incredible amount of growth we have had, I can’t help but criticize everything with harsh internal dialogue. Yes, we have a beautiful new office with twice as much space, but I want to have a larger office one day with more treatment rooms and more services. Yes, I have been learning new techniques, exploring different styles of practice and have been growing as a doctor, but I still feel like I know nothing and I can never be good enough for my patients.
For years I have been attempting to improve my inner dialogue; the concept of language and the power of words to help, heal, hinder, hurt, humiliate and to humble us. How we talk about ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, and how we talk about others shapes our reality and our mind. Telling myself I am “bad”, “stupid”, “lazy”, “annoying” or “a failure” does not accelerate my personal growth or motivate me to make changes. It does the opposite. It stunts my growth and makes it harder for me to experience joy, peace, and healthy growth. So why am I still so nasty during internal dialogue? I would never talk to someone else the way I talk to myself.
Language in itself is a difficult thing to master. It is inherently flawed and words can be interpreted to mean several different things. It can also be influenced by a difference in beliefs or culture. I grew up thinking that a minute of rest is a minute wasted. If I am not constantly doing something productive, I am wasting time, I’m lazy, I’m bad. In reality, that is a terribly toxic way to view rest. Rest is a necessity and is imperative for your mental and physical health. I am at the point where I can sit down and watch a movie, but in my mind I am worried about everything I am supposed to get done. The dishes, the laundry, patient notes, answering emails. My mind is sucking the joy out of rest!
To improve this, I have recently started adding a few minutes of what I call “silent sitting” every day. Silence is also imperative for our mental health, but we are constantly bombarded with sound and stimulation. Most of my patients express extreme discomfort when sitting in silence and they seek constant noise and stimulation. We do this to avoid our feelings. We stunt our growth and ignore our needs. Sitting in a few minutes of silence everyday has allowed me to get to know myself better, what I want in life, what I need from my environment or those around me, and how I am feeling in that moment. In silence I find I let myself cry. Good tears and bad ones. I can communicate more effectively with my partner about my wants, needs, and expectations. I can take the time to listen to my feelings and figure out WHY I feel that way. I recently read a quote that helped inspire me to take the health of my mind more seriously:
“Understanding and programming your own mind is your responsibility; if you fail to do this, the world will program it for you.”- Eve Rickert in “More than Two”
I have realized I have a lot of deprogramming to do. Just because I don’t have a 3,000 sq foot office and fancy equipment does not mean I am failing as a business owner. Just because I can’t afford Frequency Specific Microcurrent CE’s does not mean I am failing as a physician. Just because I am tired and want a nap does not mean I am lazy. Just because I am afraid to ask myself what I really want or how I actually feel doesn’t mean I should avoid looking within.
My new perspective on health after considering all of this is that I have to rebuild a relationship with myself. We care about and nurture the relationships we have with others, but what about ourselves? We even have different relationships with each part of ourselves. I have ignored, abused, and damaged my mind, body, and spirit for the last 30 years. Now, my new goal is to rebuild trust within myself. I have to rebuild my relationship with my brain, my body, and my spirit. We seek outside help for ourselves in the forms of talk therapy, life coaches, personal trainers, and spiritual/religious leaders. Spending some silent time focusing on myself as a whole is an important part of the healing process, in addition to seeking outside help. I started by apologizing to my body for ignoring it for so long and putting it in danger over and over with reckless abandon. I have apologized to my heart for ignoring its wants and needs and have started asking myself how I can allow space for joy and peace. I have apologized to my mind for attacking my character, for ignoring my achievements, and for using abusive language. I can’t intentionally rebuild my relationship with my brain, heart, and if I don’t allow time for silence. Without doing the work within ourselves, we cannot hope to achieve full success in healing.
Feel Well and Do Good,
ADIO
Dr. Super