Spring Awakening
As spring flowers erupt from the sleeping earth, many of us are experiencing our own awakenings. We may be enjoying the extended daylight, waking up easier, earlier, and with more energy. We may be close to burnout, recovering from a hard winter while continuing to prepare for the spring season. Whatever your spring feels like, it is important to take this time to think about what work we can do to bring about positive change in our life. Some of you may have already implemented changes at the New Year holiday, while others may have struggled to initiate change during that season.
I personally like utilizing winter to rest and reflect on what my wants, needs, and expectations are. By the time spring comes into bloom, I am ready to implement changes and resolutions that allow me to meet my needs and achieve my personal and professional development. Today I would like to share what preparations I have been collecting energy for, and what changes I am hoping to implement this spring.
Over the winter months I did a lot of reflecting on allowing myself space to feel. For some people, “feelings” come easily, are readily expressed, and communicated effectively. I find that feelings are a personal challenge for me in all aspects. I have poor emotional literacy, resist communicating feelings, and often don’t allow myself time to understand where my feelings come from or what they mean. My January blog post, “The Sound of Silence”, discussed allowing time for silence and reflection. This time has been important for me to check in with myself; to listen to my emotions, to reflect on my needs and if they are being met, and how satisfied I am with myself, my surroundings, and the people I spend time with.
I have learned that I process emotions, conversations, and events much slower than I would like. When I have an interaction with a person who says or does something to elicit a feeling, it may take me a few days to realize:
1. What I am feeling: Did that conversation make me feel uncomfortable? Angry? Frustrated? Annoyed? Disappointed? Deflated? Weary? Guilty? Fearful? Disrespected? Ignored?
2. What was it that specifically elicited this feeling?: Was it something the other person said or did? Was it something I said or did that I am now embarrassed about? Was a boundary disrespected? Did we communicate poorly, interrupt, or disregard what the other person was saying?
3. What do I need to do now to process my feelings?: Did we have a misunderstanding and another conversation needs to take place? Do I need to take space and cool off? Do I see something I should change or apologize for? Do I need to express what my feeling and fears are to feel understood and respected? Should I just accept the feeling and let it pass before moving on to the next issue at hand?
This whole process can take over a week before I feel ready and prepared to discuss my feeling, wants, needs, and expectations. This can be difficult in a world that demands immediate responses, opinions, or decisions. Sometimes I have to make choices without having that time to reflect, and it is okay to change my mind or tell someone that I really didn’t want to do X, Y, or Z. This spring, I am hoping to make two simple changes that will allow me the time and skills I need to work through my emotional processing. Those changes include more communication and expression. Specifically, communicating the fact that I need more time to discuss or process feelings and situations, as well as increasing my emotional literacy using an Emotion Wheel.
This may seem like an insignificant step or change, but for me it has been making all the difference. I have displayed an emotion wheel in my chiropractic room that helps me choose what feeling I am having. This allows me to better express myself and what I am really feeling. It is hard telling someone how you feel when you only know about “happy, mad or sad”. I am used to answering the question “How are you feeling?” with a sensation and not an emotion. Answering with “I am tired”,”I am hungry”, or “I am cold” are all sensations and NOT emotions. I have had to learn to answer with “I am feeling weary and deflated today”. “I am disgruntled and annoyed with paperwork”, or “I am feeling energetic and happy”. Learning to use my Emotion Wheel has helped me communicate my feeling more clearly which has lead to less conflict and more understanding from the people around me.
I have also began communicating that I need more time to process feelings. When my husband asks me, “What do you want to do after work?”, I used to default to “I don’t care, whatever you want”. This was solely because I haven’t thought about it yet and I assume he needed and answer right away. Instead, I can say “You know, I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Let me take a few minutes and think about what I want to do”. If I am having a difficult conversation with a friend and they ask me, “Well what am I supposed to do about that?”, if I don’t have to have an answer right away, I can ask for a few minutes to think about it or ask for a break from the conversation. People in your life who care about your feelings will allow you space to process your feelings (read that again if you need to!).
So this spring, I am aiming to improve my emotional intelligence, emotional literacy, and emotional expression. I am aiming to communicate clearly and confidently. I am hoping that this will allow me to know myself better and increase my happiness and joy with everyday. Too often when we are unhappy, we look at what we can change in our environment instead of what we should change within.
As we watch the daffodils and tulips pop up out of the ground, hopefully you think about what you need to grow happy, healthy, and strong. Just like a flower needs sunlight, water, soil, and air, so too do we need love, compassion, rest, and empathy! Whether you are jumping into spring or just taking a small hop, be proud of the changes you make. Think about what Spring changes could look like for you, and don’t be afraid to hold space in your life for those changes. Implementing change is always a challenge, but as long as you allow yourself the space and time to grow, your goals will be within your reach!
ADIO
Dr. Tabetha Super